Day 1 Cycle 1 (200)

CURRENT THINSPIRATION

My least favorite part of myself at the moment is my legs. My theighs touch, ok, they more than touch, they mold their fat together. They also balloon out on the outside. I WILL have skinny super thin legs again. I WILL be beautiful again. I WILL lose the weight.

Morning morning, and what a wonderful one it is? Ugh. I hate mornings, almost as much as I hate myself and my body. I am so extremely fat, LARDFACED. I took two pictures this morning, one of my side, and one of my front. I CANNOT believe that my weight has spiraled so out of control. I cannot stand it. If I don't lose the weight, I might as well not be alive. (don't think im suicidal, just pissed off) I am going to actually POST the pictures here so we can watch my weightloss. I will also post my weight as told by evil scale. I already feel the familiar hunger pangs this morning. I cherish those feelings might I add, they are the best feelings in the world. That little feeling of bile rising slowily into my throat, coating it with the feeling of thin. Every moment of hunger I don't consume, I know another small goal is reached. I will be working out daily in addition to the "diet". Everyday I will do at least 30 minutes of cardio, 30 minutes of walk/jogging, and 30 minutes of low weight high rep free weights.

Gulp here are my first pictures. I haven't taken any pictures of myself since I got out of the clinic. I am extremely dissapointed in myself. :( *tear*

Current Weight 8:30 am

4/8/2010 8:30 am

4/8/2010 8:30 am

If anyone is listening, please, tell me how discusting and fat I am, throw it in my face, be honest with me, so I can grow and change back into the beautiful being I once was.

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Ten o'clock and I am holding stong.

I will NOT eat over 200 calories today.
I will NOT eat over 200 calories today.
I will NOT eat over 200 calories today.
I will NOT eat over 200 calories today.
I will NOT eat over 200 calories today.

I have made (in the process of slow cooking) two different "hearty" vegetable soups this morning. I am a vegan, (have been for several years) and LOVE veggie soups. :) I have included the ingredients and calorie counts of both soups, so if you are interested you can also make some delicious vegetable soups.

Here are some pictures with the ingredients and calorie/nutrition breakdown.

Vegetable Medley

Potato Cabbage Leek Soup

These pictures are of the soups uncooked, I will also post a finished picture.

Veggies are very filling, and very very safe.

I would much rather fill up on some healthy food anyday instead of some crap junk like chocolate or cake.

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I have just eaten my first delicious bowl of my vegetable medley soup, and I must say, it was extremely filling, delicious, spicy (I added a TON of seasonings, garlic powder, celery powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper flakes and ground black pepper) and wonderful. I only had a half a serving, possibly less, so I still have another bowl later if I want, along with another 90 calories :). It is noon and I feel full, like I just had a giant lunch. This is why I love veggie soups, haha! Here is the veggie soup in the pot finished and in my bowl.

As you can plainly see it cooks down quite a bit, and turns into a wonderful savory almost veggie minastrone.

Yummo.

It's hard to believe something so delicious can be so unbelievably low calorie. WHOO!

:) So I have had about 55 calories so far today, and probably 4 cups of water.

I am starting to feel better and realize that I really CAN do this again.

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So it is aproximately 4:34 pm at the moment. I have had another half bowl of my Vegetable Medley soup for a snack, and am enjoying a beautiful half bowl of my potato leek soup. mmmmmm. It is so warm in filling while being full of nothing calorie wise. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Here is a little snapshot :)

Lol I know it looks like oatmeal or something, but it is just mashed up potatoes, leeks and onions. I dont use ANY salt oil or butter, just loads and heaps of seasonings like pepper, cayenne pepper, garlic, bay leaf yada yada.

So calorie wise I am at 55+55+85 calories which equals

195 calories!!

I am done eating for the day. I know I will stay right where I am because I NEVER eat after dinner or have night time cravings. I guess I am just lucky that way. All of my cravings come at midday, around 1 or 2, when I am bored :\

It's ok though, blogging cures my boredum. <3

Tomorrow is a 400 calorie day, so I may throw in a roasted veggie sandwich or something.

Ummm... I haven't worked out yet today, but I am going to go start now and get it done in the next hour and a half.

Think skinny thoughts lovelys.

FITNESS LOG 4/8/2010

Cycling - 15 minutes
Eliptical - 15 minutes
Treadmill - 10 minutes
TOTAL - 40 minutes

(I am very much so out of shape, I tried desperately to do more to only collapse. I guess I need to work back up to my extreme work out abilities. I WILL get there though!)